See Who I Am
by Qui-Gina Jinn
Summary: Jedi Padawan Kiineq Tiran travels with his Master, Toran Daa, to a remote ice planet. Here the young Jedi discovers new secrets and learns more about himself.


**Title: **See Who I Am

**Author:** Qui-Gina Jinn

**Characters:** OCs (Kiineq Tiran and Toran Daa)

**Timeframe:** Circa 580 BBY.

**Author's Notes:** This is a story revolving around my RPG character, Jedi Master Kiineq Tiran. He originates on the online RPG 'Shadow Pages', which takes place circa 490 BBY. In this story he is still a Padawan.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Star Wars, though Kiineq and Toran are mine.

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The tall, young boy lifted his head and looked at the shape walking in front of him. They were both doubled over, fighting the fierce wind.

As if he felt the young boy's eyes on his back, the Zabrak turned to face his human companion.

"You OK, Padawan?" he asked, yelling to be heard over the noise of the storm.

"Fine, Master" the Padawan yelled back. "You?"

Toran managed a small smile "I'm all right, Kiineq."

Snow was falling heavily now, making it hard to see anything. Kiineq was just beginning to wonder how far they had to go, when his Master stopped. The Zabrak waited for the boy to catch up.

"We are almost there" he said, pointing vaguely ahead. "Just over there."

With a smile at the apprentice, the Master started walking again.

Kiineq looked puzzled. He had no idea of what exactly had caught his Master's eye, but he followed nonetheless. To him, the horizon was nothing but a blurry mix of gray and white, the contours of the surrounding landscape all but wiped out.

The wreck of their ship had to be miles behind them by now. At least that was what it felt like to Kiineq. The deep snow made it hard and slow work to get just a short distance. Why in the name of the Force did they have to crash when on a mission to an icy world like this?

[Cheer up, Padawan, we are nearly there]

Kiineq almost jumped as his Master reached out to him through their bond.

[I promise you that it will be worth all the effort to get there]

That didn't really cheer the Padawan up though. He was frozen to the bone, tired, completely covered in snow and had no clue as to where in the galaxy he actually was. His Master had been unusually secretive about this whole mission.

They kept struggling through the increasingly dense snow and finally Kiineq was able to pick out what looked like an entrance to a cave. It seemed to take forever to reach it.

Once inside, the silence felt almost deafening after the roaring of the storm outside.

The cave was very small and appeared to be a kind of antechamber to something else.

Kiineq felt drawn to a big hole in the back of the cave and started walking towards it with slow, apprehensive steps.

"Go on" Toran encouraged him. "It's not dangerous"

He smiled at the Padawan.

"It feels... I don't know... I... I've never felt anything so _alive_, so _present_ in the Force before..."

Kiineq looked at the Zabrak. "It feels as if the entire place is vibrating with life and energy."

The Master nodded approvingly. "Yes. This is a sacred place for the Jedi. You will soon discover why. Come."

He led the way to the opening and stopped just before it. "After you, Padawan" he said with a smile.

Kiineq obeyed and entered the next cave.

A moment later he stood rooted to the spot, almost gasping for breath as his jaw dropped.

For a long time he just stood there, admiring the breathtaking view and letting the Force fill his every sense.

[Master... this is...] Kiineq felt completely lost for words. It felt wrong to speak out loud in this place. He let his gaze wander.

The sight that greeted him was unlike anything he had ever seen – or even imagined. An incredible light seemed to fill the cave, but it was impossible to pinpoint it's source. It seemed to radiate from the walls, the ceiling and even the floor.

The ceiling was so high up that it could hardly be seen and from it grew enormous stalactites, some of them so long that they had merged with the huge stalagmites on the floor.

The effect of the light made them glow as if they were illuminated from within. As if that was not enough, Kiineq almost took two steps backwards as his senses were overloaded by the sensation in the Force.

It was as intense as anything the young Padawan had ever experienced.

He felt surrounded and penetrated by a feeling of complete harmony, peace and light, so dense it was almost palpable. The Force was everywhere and nowhere, it was a raging chaos of color and light and yet completely harmonious and calm.

How long did he stand there? Hours? Days? Just minutes? Kiineq did not know.

All he knew was that he had never felt more whole and complete than at this moment.

Kiineq was only dimly aware of his Master's presence. Toran was standing just behind his apprentice, simply watching the boy's reaction.

He did not speak or move, he just stood there, not wanting to disturb the moment for his Padawan.

After what seemed like an eternity, Kiineq finally moved. He tentatively took one step forward and then another. Slowly he made his way through the maze of drip stones until he reached a wall. Cautiously he stretched out a hand and touched it. Once again his senses was flooded with inputs and then realization struck him. [Master!] Kiineq reached out to touch his Master's mind, full of surprise. [It's crystals!]

The Master nodded. "Yes. Have you guessed where we are?" he asked.

Kiineq actually turned to face the Zabrak. "The Crystal Caves on Ilum" he replied. There was no doubt in his mind. His Master smiled and nodded. Kiineq returned the smile. Then he looked a little hesitant. "Can I...?" he trailed off, not finishing the sentence. Toran nodded again. "Go on. Explore all you wish," he replied to the half spoken question.

Smiling, Kiineq turned back to examine the wall. It felt alive under his touch and it was as if he could sense every single crystal embedded in the rocky wall. He slowly made his way around the cave, stopping every so often to marvel at what he could see and feel.

At the very back of the cave there was an opening. It seemed to lead to a tunnel of sorts or a passageway, perhaps leading to more caves. Kiineq decided to leave the opening for now and he continued his exploration of the cave he was in.

After a long, slow walk around the cave, he finally found himself back where he had started. His Master had not moved an inch during the Padawan's exploration, but now he gestured for Kiineq to follow him back into the smaller entry-cave.

"It is getting late and we should rest and eat," he said, his voice kept low.

Kiineq nodded. "Yes, Master". He had no idea of how long time he had spent in the cave.

Toran placed a hand on Kiineq's shoulder.

"Tomorrow we will explore the other caves and then we shall find a place to meditate together. I think you will find that a very special experience." Toran smiled down at the boy and received a huge grin in return.

"That sounds great, Master. I can't wait to see more of this place. It feels as if I've only just scratched the surface of all there is to see here." Kiineq said with such enthusiasm that Toran chuckled quietly.

"Oh, you have barely even touched the surface yet, much less scratched it, my dear Padawan," he replied.

Outside the storm was still raging, but inside the small cave it was quite warm. It was as if the Force itself had heated up the place, radiating from the walls and ceiling. After a small meal consisting mostly of ration bars from the ship, the two Jedi curled up in their robes.

Kiineq had barely laid down before he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

The storm was still raging when he woke.

"Good morning, Sleepy-head" his Master said with a smile and pointed to the entrance. "Even if you can't see it, the sun has been up for a couple of hours"

Kiineq smiled sleepily at the man. "Well, you could just have woken me, Master" he said.

Toran chuckled. "And risk having the equivalent of a mad rancor for company all day?" he asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

Kiineq managed to look plausibly offended. "I'm not _that_ bad, am I, Master?" he asked, a feigned worry in his voice.

Toran smiled. "No" he said, "but we're in no rush, so I though I'd let you sleep for once. It's not like we would be able to leave now, even if we were going"

The Master gave the Padawan a small smile. Kiineq returned it.

"I don't think I would want to leave yet, anyway" he said, "there is too much left to discover"

Toran nodded in approval. "Indeed"

They had a light morning meal before they went back into the crystal cave. Though this time Toran did not stop in the first cave, but led them on through the tunnel.

Kiineq's jaw dropped as they came out on the other side.

This cave was at least twice the size of the first and if possible even more beautiful.

Behind him Toran chuckled. "Told you," he whispered.

Kiineq was too stunned to reply. Everywhere he turned he could see the glitter of crystals embedded in every possible surface. He simply stood there, staring, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Come" his Master whispered into his ear.

The Padawan obeyed, though perhaps a little slower than he normally would have. He slowly followed Toran through the enormous cave and into another much smaller one.

It was barely large enough for Toran to stand up in and the walls formed a perfect circle.

Someone had covered the floor in mats and in the middle of the circle there was a small well. As in the larger caves the walls were covered in crystals.

Toran gracefully slid down into his favorite meditation position on the mats and motioned for Kiineq to follow suit.

Again the apprentice obeyed, though it seemed he had much less control over his too long limbs and was not nearly as graceful as his Master. He sat down with an almost audible bump.

[Close your eyes and focus on your breathing]. Toran's mental voice was no more than a whisper in Kiineq's mind.

The Padawan easily fell into the familiar rhythm of the calming exercises and soon all that could be heard in the small cave was the soft, unison breathing of the two Jedi.

Kiineq slowly let go of his conscious mind and opened himself to the Force. He could feel the strong, calm presence of his Master much clearer than he ever had before.

He could hear every little drip of water in the well, sense even the slightest current of air moving through the caves. He knew exactly where every single crystal was sitting, as if he was connected to them and they to him.

The Force was whirling around the Jedi, engulfing them, penetrating them and binding them together.

Kiineq had quickly lost any and all sense of time and he could no longer feel his body. There was only his subconscious self and the familiar presence of his Master, both floating in a sea of energy and light, completely void and yet filled with presence. Kiineq let himself be swept up by the current, not even wanting to attempt to control it. He caught snatches and glimpses of images, feelings and echoes of conversations. Some he knew that he had heard and seen before but some, he realized, were unfamiliar.

Especially two images were persistent and kept coming in various variations.

They showed what Kiineq perceived to be an older version of himself in the company of first a girl that seemed to be of a feline race. He couldn't tell exactly which. And later on it was a human boy with short dark hair and a long Padawan braid, not unlike his own.

Kiineq was puzzled by it, not entirely sure what the Force was trying to tell him. At first he tried to capture the images to explore them more closely, but as he tried to get hold of them they seemed

to vanish like smoke.

[Do not attempt to control what you cannot hold on to].

Kiineq almost jumped at the feeling of his Master's voice in his head. He sighed deeply and once more let go. This time he did not try to catch the images, but simply let the Force guide them.

To his astonishment, they became even more vivid and real, showing him things and places he had never seen before. Yet the images of the two young ones kept coming back.

The Padawan pondered over the meaning of what the Force was showing him, but could not find any.

In the end he gave up and just enjoyed the experience.

After what seemed like an eternity and yet just a second, Toran gradually guided them both back to full awareness.

He studied the Padawan, as Kiineq slowly opened his eyes, blinking.

Kiineq took a deep breath, before looking up at his Master.

"Wow... That was... Thank you, Master."

Toran smiled at the boy's lack of words. "You are welcome, Padawan".

The apprentice let his gaze wander, taking in every detail of the domed ceiling. He explored it, both with his eyes and with the Force. He felt the same energy and living presence as he had earlier, but he was surprised to find that he still felt connected to each and every of the crystals in the caves.

Very slowly he got to his feet and with a short look at his Master, asked permission to go. The Master's short nod was approval enough.

He walked closer to the curved wall, gently tracing a hand over it, before proceeding out in the larger cave. Kiineq followed the wall, walking very slowly, but somehow he knew exactly where he was going. His hand never left the wall as he went deeper and deeper into the cave.

The Padawan had no idea of how far he had walked when he suddenly stopped dead.

He felt very cold and a shiver ran down his spine. Kiineq shuddered and looked back, but saw nothing. He was completely alone; the only other presence was that of his Master, but that was faint and far away. The apprentice shook his head, closed his eyes and reached out with the Force.

At first there was no change from what he had felt earlier, but then things changed and became darker. He swayed and without realizing it, dropped to the floor. He wanted to scream out in agony over what the Force was showing him. It was too much to take in, too much to comprehend. The intensity of the vision made the young boy curl into a ball, his hands pressed against his temples.

He opened his mouth, but not a sound escaped him. He writhed in agony, screaming silently.

Slowly the vision subsided, but Kiineq remained curled up, rocking backwards and forwards. He could not, would not, believe that this vision was ever going to become a reality. As he tried to process what the Force conveyed to him he heard, in the deepest corner of his mind, the soothing echo of Master Yoda's voice: _"Always in motion, the future is. Difficult to see."_

The words seemed distant and faint, as if they were from another lifetime, yet somehow they penetrated his fogged mind. In motion? But it had seemed so real. How was there any chance that it would not come to be? "_Show us many things, the Force does. Things that are. Things that were. And some things, which come to pass, have not yet._"

Gradually he stopped shaking. The Padawan sat up, taking a couple of deep breaths to calm himself.

He looked around. The cave looked just as it had done before and he could still feel the immense amount of energy and life in it.

Kiineq felt dizzy. He felt something wet and warm on his face. The tears dropped down on his hands. The Padawan swallowed and wiped them away.

He closed his eyes, wanting to find his calm center again. The soothing flow of the Force wrapped around him, caressed his tormented mind. An entirely different vision came to him. It spoke of happiness, of friendship and of acceptance.

Kiineq knotted his brow. As he looked deeper, there was still an undercurrent of sadness, but it was more distant. Understanding came creeping to him. There could be no happiness without sadness, no joy without sorrow and no life without loss. It was all a big circle, weaved together by the Force. The Force itself was neither light, nor dark, but held both sides. You could not have one, without the other. All was connected. He slowly opened his eyes, feeling utterly relaxed in his new knowledge. It was so simple and yet had taken so long to fully understand. Kiineq just sat there for a long time, going over what he had just learned. After a while, he became aware of a particularly shining crystal, embedded in the wall in front of him. It sat exactly level with his eyes. It shone with an intense, deep, radiating green. Mesmerized, Kiineq slowly got up and walked closer. It felt as if the crystal was reaching out to him, through the Force. He tilted his head sideways and just stood there, looking at the crystal. Then he tentatively reached out with the Force and touched it. The crystal seemed to glow even clearer and brighter, all but asking to come with him. He slowly reached out a hand and took it. It came off the wall, as if it had never been stuck there. He opened his hand and just stared at the crystal in his palm. It felt warm and alive. What was more, it felt as if it was a part of him. As if they belonged together. A smile appeared on Kiineq's face. He closed his hand around the crystal and held it tightly.

Slowly he started to make his way back. He did not really notice where he was going, but kept looking at the crystal in his hand.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

His Master's voice jerked Kiineq out of his trance-like state. Slowly he extended his hand, showing the crystal.

"Yes, Master" he replied.


End file.
